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For most of the long weekend, Charlotte was much better dressed than me.

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I was showing off an impressive spit-up stain (Charlotte’s, not mine), trying to determine how many ounces had soaked through my last clean shirt…

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Charlotte needed some rest and relaxation. Here’s what that looked like:

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Remember our online baby pool? I’ve neglected to report on the winner. Ellen’s cousin Brian skillfully predicted Charlotte’s gender, while coming close on her birthdate, height and weight. (See how you did.)

Charlotte was not impressed.

Bailey, however, wanted to spend some quality time with the winner.

Despite not being thrilled with Charlotte’s recent bouts of inconsolable crying, Bailey still agreed to lend a hand during bathtime. She played the role of home healthcare worker while I played the role of photojournalist. With her frantic drinking of the bathwater, she also plays the role of the drain.

We’re down the shore and had a hell of a time getting here. We arrived at 3am. Pictures to follow of the jagged rock that became lodged in our now-flat tire on the Garden State Parkway.

Last week, Charlotte turned one (month). To celebrate, she started smiling regularly. And she’s been a much more enthusiastic sleeper, which has Ellen and me smiling regularly again, too. A few more photos like this—taken earlier tonight with Grandma English—and she’ll put me on the baby photography map.

Keep reading for more pics…

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We haven’t made it to the beach yet, but Charlotte has been enjoying herself so far…

…posing for pictures…

…and imitating famous Edvard Munch paintings.

With this look, she indicated that the photoshoot was over.

And unlike last time we were down here, Bailey and I were not attacked on our morning walk.

Off to the beach!

It’s week 3 of paternity leave. If Charlotte would just sleep through the night, I could get used to this.

Dried-up formula is an acquired taste.

It’s safe to say Bailey has now acquired it.

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If you subscribe to the old one-human-year-equals-seven-dog-years formula, today is Bailey’s 21st birthday. She celebrated with one of her favorite guests, Aunt Alissa, and stuffed herself on treats.

At the last second, Bailey snuck into the frame.

Charlotte did some b-day lounging. Keep reading for more pics…

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More later. Time for our daily North Jersey excursion.

Bailey thinks a little body heat might just hatch this baby.

I took these pictures because she was hogging my spot.

But judging by this photo from last weekend, I guess I’ve pulled the same stuff on her. On a different topic, those shorts sure are shiny.

The sandy streets of Ocean Beach were not designed for dog walking—in fact, the signage strictly forbids it. So yesterday morning, Bailey and I drove a mile north to see about draining her fully charged battery.

She was super excited by all the new scenery and scents. Wherever we turned, a chorus of barking dogs welcomed our arrival. (She’s huge in the dog community, which goes to both our heads.) But all of a sudden, the puppy-razi came a little too close for comfort.

To our right approached a car that chauffeured a yapping dog not happy to see us. “Get the f**k out of my neighborhood,” I think he was saying, but we paid him no mind. This further enraged him. And as the vehicle passed us, to everyone’s surprise, the dog jumped out the back window, landing on his head.

Like a knocked-down boxer struggling to his feet, the dog regained his balance, his bearings, his composure, and his rage. “He doesn’t bite!” yelled his driver, which the dog treated as an attack command, showing his teeth and coming right at us.

After a few rotations around me, I picked up Bailey, and the other dog was restrained. They must have lived nearby, because the man left his car running and walked in the opposite direction, no longer confident in his car’s ability to contain the pooch.

“I’m really sorry about this,” he said.

Too winded to be angry, I put Bailey down and prepared to resume our journey. “Hey,” I responded, “it’s a story to tell.”

And then both our batteries were drained.

From the IMDb plot summary of Marley & Me: “A family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog.”

The role of Marley could have been Bailey’s big break.

Though I haven’t posted many Bailey photos of late, we’ve taken plenty. Here’s a smattering.

Ellen caught Bailey lounging in one of our few Bailey-Free Zones. The camera didn’t budge her. I think she’s claimed it as her own. Read on for Father’s Day photos…

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