A Wedding Announcement That Will Make You Hate The Author, The Groom and, by extension, the Senior Senator from Virginia.
Senator John Warner’s son recently got married. The Times wrote it up. And the person who wrote the announcement sounds intent on breaking up the marriage already.
I submit these few lines as evidence:
Mr. Warner was surprised he had much in common with a schoolteacher.
Nevertheless, he wasn’t interested in a second date with her.Then, one year later, tired of young, temperamental beauties, he called. Ms. Hamm wasn’t miffed and agreed to see him. “I feel strongly that you never want to close any doors,” she said. “You never know.”
“John is all-inclusive,” Tommy Walker, an old friend, said of his parties. “He invites not only the people he’s close to, but also the guys doing the gardening at his house.”
Through it all he remained a die-hard and distinctive bachelor, sometimes picking dates up in his 1936 Packard or his 1966 Aston Martin. But he grew to dislike breaking hearts as much as he hated eating tofu. “Johnny never wants to let anyone down,” said Jill Mullen, a friend.
He also became disillusioned, always questioning the motives of the women he dated. By the time he was in his early 40s, he had broken two engagements and pretty much given up hope. “A lot of women in New York and L.A. are in it for the dollar, not for a healthy relationship,” he said wearily.
He, on the other hand, was unsure about Ms. Hamm, whose family founded the Hamm’s Brewing Company, which was based in Minnesota. She was nothing like the wild supermodels and party girls he had been dating. Ms. Hamm has unflashy clothes, jewelry and ways and is the opposite of high-maintenance.
The bride, meanwhile, looked completely natural in her sleeveless gown and her hair pulled back as if for tennis.
What a hatchet job.
[Also posted on YesButNoButYes.]