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Today’s installment is actually a story I wrote a few months back, after a flight home from San Francisco. Since it’s been a slow and quiet week on the bus, I’ve decided it qualifies. Enjoy.

As we flew back from San Francisco, an elderly woman pointed her bony finger at me and asked, “Is that an iPod?”

“It sure is!” I exclaimed, eager to evangelize digital music to the senior set.

Immediately, I pictured her bragging to her fellow retirement home inmates: “He actually HAD an iPod! Yes, with him! Right next to me!” In her version of the story, I’d probably be a little older, without glasses. Taller, maybe.

From Nevada to Kansas to Missouri, I went on and on and on. Napster, LimeWire, iTunes. Explained the Playlist. Shined the backlight. Let her listen.

Halfway across the country, she couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry, dear. I only asked because I’d never seen one so bulky. When did you get that? 2001?”

I thought she’d been mesmerized. Turns out, she was being polite.

What a burn.

Since I was too embarrassed to say anything beyond an uncomfortable mumble, she spoke at length about her iPod Mini. When she used the phrase “hacked the firmware,” I felt smaller than an iPod Shuffle. (By the way, I had to look that up when I got back. Here’s the scoop, in case you find yourself in a similar situation.)

What’s the point? Respect your elders. Or buy better gadgets.

[Originally posted November 8, 2005.]