jasonenglish1.com

This blog has been neglected of late. And although I’ve been the one doing the neglecting, it’s not all my fault. WordPress is all buggy and will not let me upload photos. Believe me, I have photos to upload. Our new concrete walkway, some ‘Before’ pics (I’ve completed two weeks on Weight Watchers and the pounds are melting away—one of these days, I’ll post a ‘During’ photo), various shots of the dog, and so on.

My good friend and favorite consultant Noah Brier upgraded me to WordPress 2.5.1. I am very fortunate to have access to Noah and his powers. The image-uploading problems persist, but for now, I can borrow a little mental_floss bandwith to post important photos. Like this:

Down from 199.0 to 193.0. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams, indeed.

It was a good week for dog photos. I challenge you to look at the third picture without yawning.

In anticipation of Mint, Dave Jamieson’s book on the rise and fall of baseball cards, I picked up a Beckett and put together this quiz, which got a nice boost from Sports Illustrated. Let’s see how well you know the card market.

Take the quiz: My Cards Are Worthless

This election cycle, when it comes to cable news, I’m an MSNBC man. If parent company General Electric held a contest that raffled off the chance to dine with Tim Russert, Chris Matthews, Pat Buchanan, Chuck Todd, Andrea Mitchell, Eugene Robinson and Rachel Maddow, I’d find a way to cheat. For baby names, we’re considering Joseph Scarborough English.

So when Ellen read this week’s 8,000-word Chris Matthews profile in The New York Times Magazine, she knew I’d eat it up. It’s a tremendously insightful piece that looks at the tensions inside NBC News—namely Russert vs. Matthews and Matthews vs. Olbermann—and doesn’t give much hope for Matthews’ future with the network (his contract is up in June 2009; possible next steps include taking over Face the Nation on CBS or running for Senate).

Many of those 8,000 words are devoted to mocking Matthews’ name-dropping, making him seem like a more successful incarnation of David Brent (or Michael Scott, depending on how much BBC you watch). Here’s one of the many memorable passages:

“As I began researching this article, Jeremy Gaines, an MSNBC spokesman, gave me the names of about a dozen people that Matthews recommended I speak to, all famous — everyone from Nancy Pelosi to Marvin Hamlisch. But gatekeepers for more than one of these people expressed confusion as to why Matthews would refer me to them. “Please keep us out of this,” pleaded a spokesperson for one prominent politician whom Matthews had recommended via Gaines.”

Can’t wait for the Pennsylvania Primary, and seven awkward hours of MSNBC’s exhaustive coverage. I’d better work from home.

Read the entire piece: The Aria of Chris Matthews

Only a few more hours before tonight’s return of The Office. I’ve watched over 20 episodes this week while putting together this quiz. Which reminds me, I’ve got a pretty great job.

Take the quiz: The Office (U.S. Edition)

We spent the end of March in Los Angeles, where Ellen was serving as her good friend Allison’s matron-of-honor. The trip had many highlights: a golf cart tour of the Sony lot, courtesy of Young Hollywood legend Lou Harrsch; a lavish wedding at the Ritz Carlton, where Wayne Gretzky and the Washington Wizards were staying; (possibly) running into Rashida Jones at the Ralph’s in Beverly Hills (OK, probably not); and a whole lot of driving around, pointing out places important to me during my two LA summers, 1999 and 2000 (”Look, that used to be a fancy Olive Garden!”)

But the best part of our California vacation? Coming home to a freshly painted baby room.

While we were sitting poolside with Darius Songalia, Ellen’s parents and brother were slaving away. This is what they had to work with…

It’s just another way that Ellen and I perfectly complement each other. I’m generally bad at home improvement projects, and her family does stuff like this.

Bailey didn’t help. But she didn’t tip over any paint cans, either.

Now all we need is the baby. And, you know, all that baby stuff. And less-blue carpet.

* * * * *

The Monday we returned, Ellen and I put down our new Flor carpet tiles.

We mistakenly ordered three times too many. The extras still need to go back.

Here are a few pics of my former LA residence, 2604 DeVista Place, which I shared with five roommates—and dozens of visitors—in 2000. My photos turned out terrible, but I found beautiful shots on devistaplace.com.

The description is as nice as the photos: “A clean-lined, mid-century oasis with walls of glass and vibrant canyon and city light views.”

Slightly less clean-lined during our tenure.

Bothering strangers at Santa Monica Pier.

Channeling my inner paparazzi.

Ellen’s on the far left.

Ignoring the cameras, Ellen speaks.

And with this photo, we called it a night. I swear my tie was tied tighter for most of the evening.

I’ve been spending some time in the Sports Illustrated Vault, the new everything-they’ve-ever-written online archive. I particularly enjoyed the first story SI ever wrote about WFAN, back on July 27, 1987 (italics used to denote my favorite section):

Sports around the clock: WFAN is the first station to give sports junkies a 24-hour fix
Lift your heads and rejoice, all ye sportaholics, for whom ESPN, WTBS, WWOR and CBS Sports Sunday just aren’t enough….There’s something new in New York, and it’s just for you. They call it all-sports radio.

If you are between Maine and southern New Jersey, you no longer need a TV set to satisfy your sports lust. Just turn the AM dial to 1050 WFAN—all sports all the time—and you’ll immediately be plugged into the latest locker room developments. Are you a Knicks fan? WFAN had live coverage of the press conference that introduced new coach Rick Pitino. Do you go bonkers over Bo? The station had a reporter at Jackson’s press conference in Auburn, Ala., at which he declared his intention to become a two-sport pro. WFAN has it all in the world of sports.

The problem is, during the greater part of most days, the world of sports isn’t all that newsworthy, which explains why the lion’s share of the station’s airtime is devoted to listeners’ calls. The hot topic in New York is the mercurial behavior of the Mets’ Darryl Strawberry. Typical callers range from Jeff of Manhattan, whose voice took on a tone of malicious glee as he discussed possible trades for Strawberry, to Dan of Enfield, Conn., who got all choked up recounting how Strawberry’s rookie season inspired him to accomplish what Richard Simmons, Dr. Stillman and Weight Watchers couldn’t, that is, lose 50 pounds.
* * * * *
The power behind the all-sports experiment is Emmis Broadcasting, the nation’s largest privately owned broadcasting group. Eleven months after purchasing WHN, a New York City country music station, Emmis plunged into the uncharted waters of all-sports. If the experiment works, clones should soon appear, and you, too, will be able to hear endless over-the-air second-guessing by your fellow fanatics. If it fails, Emmis execs will be doing some second-guessing of their own.

For more from the Vault, read these posts from mental_floss:

• Sports Illustrated Firsts
• More Fun From the SI Vault

On ‘Back to School Night’ in second grade, we were asked to leave our parents a note. “If you have a special nickname,” Mrs. Onufrak told us, “you can use it.” I did not have a special nickname, but I didn’t know the next time we’d be granted such liberal name-signing power.

At the time, my two biggest influences were Lawrence (”LT”) Taylor and the WWF. Since “JE” wasn’t very special, I opted for an uninspired moniker in the tradition of Gene Okerlund. “Mr. Mean” was born.

The name didn’t stick.

When I asked all-star mental_floss designer Terri Dann to whip up a banner to promote this WWF Action Figure Quiz, she asked what my WWF nickname would be. I told her that story, and now Mr. Mean has a second chance to catch on.
* * * * *
The quiz received an overwhelming response, which inspired my dad to dig out my old action figure collection. He was hoping I’d come remove them from his basement. Instead, I stopped by with a camera and created a completely unnecessary sequel.

The title of this post refers to a prediction I made around 1988, a quote my Uncle Len won’t ever let me forget.

She really loves Ellen’s Snoogle. Has anyone tried a Snoogle before? It’s a pillow designed for pregnant women who have a hard time getting comfortable on their side. They could absolutely sell this to problem sleepers in any demographic. And, apparently, indulgent dog owners.

Those should kill 10-15 minutes. (Click on either banner to take that quiz.)

It’s mostly this.

And with that, we’re ready to announce this pregnancy to the world.

Ellen is slowly growing out of her wardrobe, I finally felt the baby kick last night, and Bailey is starting to get suspicious.

We’re almost at the halfway mark. I don’t have any profound thoughts on fatherhood to share right now. Mostly, this is because I don’t have any profound thoughts on fatherhood. But watching Ellen devour pregnancy literature these last few months, I feel like this baby and I are in good hands.

We have the big 20-week ultrasound on Tuesday but won’t be finding out the sex. If you’d like to take a wild guess as to the gender, birth date, height or weight, we set up an online pool. I will not be partaking. Some days I know it’s a girl; others it’s clearly a boy. Maybe I’ll set up multiple accounts, like I’ve done before in illicit NCAA pools. Click on this banner to weigh in…